he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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