i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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