I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
