Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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