youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
