I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
