Where is the hickey?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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