Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
