do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize