Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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