You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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