hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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