don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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