Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
