My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
