I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
