I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
they're like a gay fantastic four
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
