and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
