I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
