Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
