matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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