remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize