Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
