I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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