GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
