Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
