im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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