My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
