On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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