I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
