I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
