I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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