Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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