he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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