the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
