shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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