your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
