Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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