He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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