Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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