apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
