Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
