My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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