CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize