life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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