U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize