even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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