Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
