Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
