Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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