Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
