I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
