I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
