So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
