I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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