Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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