Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
