just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
