Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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