if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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