pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
