Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
