you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
