i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
