im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
