umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
