Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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