my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
