There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
