i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Shame - the story of my life.
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