I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
