so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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