i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
