Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
