I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
