worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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