I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
