I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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