So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Send help, water and tortillas.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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