video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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