Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
