they need to just BURY HIM!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
