the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
