After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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