is your mom at the bar?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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