Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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