My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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