hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm always down for nudity.
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