idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
