I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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