if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
