I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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