bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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