I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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