I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
