This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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