I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
