just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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