Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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