i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
