Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
