Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
