Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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