I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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