I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
