in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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