i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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